New York: The Ultimate Immersion Therapy

This past weekend I got to go to New York City and take part in the wedding of this lovely lady:

Alexa, Susan, and me. The original 3 Muska-sheep (what we called ourselves in 3rd grade).

It was so amazing to be able to see my friend of almost 20 years get married to the nicest and most genuine guy ever (he is standing right behind us with his back to the camera).

It was a beautiful wedding and I was so glad to be there, especially because getting there was pretty momentous for me.

The past 6 months have been full of major ups and downs after I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. I have always been a very energetic person, but the energy started to take a downward spiral after I had Sabrina. It was a relief to get the diagnosis and to talk to a therapist about the racing thoughts in my head, the panic attacks and my fear of enclosed spaces.

I wasn't really sure I was going to be able to go to the wedding. It involved flying (something that I had started to fear soon after giving birth to Sabrina) and lots of different public transport. I had been avoiding buses for a few years...I remember being terrified of getting on a shuttle bus with Kirk when I was pregnant with Sabrina, and beating myself up about it afterwards. I didn't understand why my brain was firing off these emergency signals when I wasn't actually in an emergency.

Thank goodness for therapy. Thank goodness for the book Don't Panic. And thank goodness for Susan asking me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I knew that I really wanted to show my friend how much I cared about her, and this was a perfect impetus to really get me to face my fears.

I had some adrenaline pumping through my body at the beginning of the two flights to New York, but with both flights once the plane lifted off I calmed down. I had the same adrenaline rush on the first flight back, but I started to realize that the source of the adrenaline was really me being afraid to relax...I would start to relax and a thought would go through my head "How can you relax when being stuck in this plane??" and then the adrenaline would pump again.

But in the airport waiting for my last flight back to Houston, I realized that you really can only think one thought at one time. So if my brain was going to revert back to fearful thoughts, I was going to put something easy in my head to repeat over and over and over again. So as I waited on the last plane for the doors to close, I just repeated this song from Spamalot in my head again and again again. (Seriously it was probably like 50 times).  "Always look on the bright side of life." *insert whistling* With that song repeating in my head and the distraction (and fun) of playing Dr. vs. virus on my phone, I was able to push away those fearful thoughts with something cheery and positive. There was no room in my brain for anything else!

After the plane took off, I was filled with so much gratitude towards God for helping me through this. I had prayed pretty hard in the airport to find something to fill my mind with, and this was the song that popped in my head. It was such a an amazing feeling to once again be filled with the wonder of flying, and to have no fear. I had been filled with so much fear for so long, and to have it gone...to not be afraid to let it go...was simply exhilarating.

Well after that long explanation, here are some pictures of some fun times in New York City!

1st pizza in New York. It was actually not that great and I burned my mouth, but I was still excited! 

Kirk and I in Tiffany's. Oh.my.goodness. So much prettiness there. 

I forced Kirk to pose for this picture in the Nintendo store. He still got a shirt there, so he can't be too embarrassed. ;)

As a lover of 30 Rock, I was pretty happy to see the NBC stuff. Who cares if they are the worst-rated network right now? I am a loyal fan. 

Fuzzy picture of Kirk and I at Nice Work, If you Can Get it. Matthew Broderick was amazing! 

Susan's awesome center pieces. Michelle is the woman in the background, someone I hadn't seen since high school!  

Jess, Beth and Alexa. It was so fun to get to know Jess and Beth on this trip. They know Susan from college and I totally understand why Susan loves them! 

I pretty much wanted to jump my husband every time he wore this vest on our trip. Can ya blame me?? He's dead sexy in it!

I love Susan's expression in this as she's about to cut the cake. I took more pictures of her and Sam but they ALL turned out super fuzzy. 

Alexa's hot nostrils. Sexy!